Life Goes On, Even During A Storm

I had to write a little tonight. We had a wonderfully festive weekend with our Grace having on Saturday alone a soccer game, her 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's and a Predators hockey game. Fun was had by all and Grace was just so excited about each part of her day-especially the one & only goal she scored for her team. It was also the anniversary date(27th) of our sweet Anna going to heaven. I would be lying if I did not say that I was sad driving home after the party because my mind kept thinking of how Anna would have loved every loud, chaotic & obnoxious moment. We miss her so!

Our dear friends here in TN walked the AHA Walk for the Heart on Saturday and I have attached a sweet photo taken during their walk. This is their youngest little one and who we believe would have been Anna's best friend. The girls birthdays would have been only a month apart. Thank you CK & family for honoring our Anna with your walk and sending us this beautiful picture. This picture not only honors our Anna and her memory but all the beauty of ML's smile. We love that smile!

A very thoughtful person from Tony's agency sent us a very beautiful card today and I want to quote part of his sentiment to us. I have been very melancholy today and it really touched me. This is from a book he had read recently:

"We are like trees subjected to the stormy elements of life. When a storm comes, we either snap or grow stronger. What makes the difference is not the ferocity of the storm but the depth of our character."

We continue to thank our Father above for giving us strong roots of character and for our Anna who helped make them even deeper. We thank each of our friends and family for holding us close and sheltering us in this storm. We love you all!

Jo

4 weeks ago tonight

It has been 4 weeks ago tonight that our sweet little, precious Anna went home to be with her heavenly Father. As I write these words it is still hard to believe she is actually gone from our sight. I have missed her more deeply than I can describe with words. She was very special to me. I know as much as I miss her Jo Anna(Jo) is missing her every bit as much. That sweet little angel occupied every minute of Jo Anna's day. Then there is Grace, she is such an adventurous, free spirited child and Grace is missing Anna every bit as much as we are. Especially at bath time each night. It still hurts for me to look at pictures, especially the picture of me holding Anna. I can still feel her, smell her and hear her dear little voice. It makes me sad beyond belief. Psalm 127:5 tells us that children are a blessing. With Anna, God's grace was upon us much more than we had or could have imagined. As I have said before, I do not know why God chose me to be that little girls poppa but I am eternally grateful for the privilege. Again, I want to tell you all thank you for your calls, cards, emails, posts and for your prayers. God is listening to you and he is answering your prayers. Christ has and is working through you to give us strength. Four weeks ago the book of Anna Marie Yitao Gooden's life was complete. She lived a full life, a life God so graciously blessed me and my family with. I am so proud of her. Her poppa loves her more today than ever. I know as much as I love her God loves her that much more. He loved her enough to send His son to die for her sins. So I rejoice for Anna and at the same time suffer with the grief of having to let her go.

Children are blessings from heaven above and they are precious. There are a million of these precious blessings out there tonight without a momma or a poppa. If you were to ask an orphan what they wanted more than anything in this world they would tell you it is a forever family. Those little blessings are out there waiting. Please take advantage of any opportunity you can to help them. If you can not adopt or are not in a position to adopt then please open your hearts and wallets and make a donation to organizations such as "Shaohannah's Hope". Organizations like these assist families through grants to give homes to blessings such as our Anna. For your donations you will be blessed ten fold. Thank you for taking the time to meet our little girl & continuing to pray for our family.

May God bless you! Tony for our Family

Anna's Place of Rest

Today Tony & I placed our dear Anna's remains in her vault to rest. As emotional and pain re-newing as this was there was again a resounding sense of peace. We both felt so relieved that Anna was back with us. Her little velvet bag & box seemed unbelievably small in our hands. So different from her life. How big she was in life and how small our hands are in comparison to our Father's. With her ashes we placed in the vault her pink purse holding her most treasured strands of playtime beads and the family photo of Tony, Grace & myself that was submitted with our application to adopt for the 2Nd time.

To give you each some history of the "pink purse" I will tell you my last memory of Anna before the catherization. Anna carried and adorned both her purse and beads that morning. She won many hearts that early morning in the cath. lab waiting area as she sashayed through other children & their anxious families. I will never forget her sweet air of confidence in her pink froggie pj's, her hot pink "China squeaky shoes"(that I had removed the squeakers in fear of driving other nervous parents over the edge), and her silver & green mardi gras beads(I do not know where they came from, Grace got them somewhere) and the infamous Mary Kay pink purse(her sister had also relinquished rights to) at the cleft of her elbow. She was a beaming rainbow at 6 am on that rainy, damp morning. Her most prized possessions she so enjoyed right before the moment that ended life as we had known it. How bitter sweet this memory is for me today. I can still smell Anna on those pajama's that lay on my closet shelf still. I will never wash them and I will cling to them for as long as it takes. Then one day I will place them in my Anna's keepsake box. God only knows how long this momma will ache to hold her baby again. Only God will be powerful enough in His continuing love & guidance to one day ease the empty hurt enough to let me let go. One day I will let go of that soft garment she last wore. Oh, how I want to heal and yet long to hurt. The hurt keeps Anna close and I worry if I stop hurting will she not feel as close.

A dear friend gave me the Natalie Grant CD "Awaken" right before Anna's funeral. There is a song that was circled by this dear friend called "Held". The lyrics below give me such comfort today & I pray as I type this that it will give someone hurting with me the same comfort.

"If hope is born of suffering"

"If this is only the beginning"

"Can we not wait, for one hour"

"Watching for our Savior"

(chorus)

"This is what it means to be held"

"How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive"

"This is what it is to be loved and to know"

"That the promise was that when everything fell we'd be held"

God Bless and Keep you all. He is blessing us and continues to keep us every minute, every hour and every day.

Jo

Thank You!!

Dearest Friends and Family~

Words could never express how deeply we appreciate your thoughts, prayers and kind words of encouragement during the darkest hour of our lives as parents. Thanks to you we were lifted up in prayer and given strength beyond imagination. We remember wondering how a parent could even attend the funeral of their child, and if we had our rathers we would still be wondering. Now we know…. It’s the divine strength of God.

We realize now that we are part of a "quilt" of God, which he drapes over His family in times of despair. We are now three tattered remnants that have been sewn back together in a different way; intermingled with other outside pieces. We cannot remain just as we were. We must be willing to change. It's not easy being part of this quilt, but it is how God wills us together. Alone we have no strength but skillfully sewn together as only God can do each of us now appliques the strongest of quilts. Thank each of you for your part in this gift of strength. I know Anna is so proud in heaven to see her family cared for so lovingly.

As we think of Anna and of how precious she was to us we are reminded of 2 Corinthians 5:7 "We walk by faith, not by sight" and know that we were blessed and honored to be this precious little girl’s momma and poppa. We do wonder why this had to happen but rest in knowing God is in control and know His promise will never change.

When we first lost Anna and struggled to go through each day it is you, our friends and family, that answered the call. You were the hands and feet of our Lord. Through your actions we learned what it meant to be held by our Maker. We also learned that a heart that receives from God has many riches to give to others. We cherish each and every one of you and welcome any chance we can see you soon! May God bless & keep you close!

With Sincerest Gratitude,

Tony, JoAnna & Grace