Two months have gone by

Hello to everyone. I am posting to give you an update on how life is going. Our Heavenly Father continues to give us what we need to walk through this life and still enjoy every blessed moment. Things in life are so bittersweet and I think all three of us look at things in a different light. The important issues of the past seem less important and things we used to not put emphasis on we do now. In the middle of all of these changes still lays a ton of pain & separation. I would lie to you if I did not admit we reflect the pain and it's affects at times. Like any other relationship our family's relationship with one another must grow, adapt, evolve & strengthen through this. This takes a ton of effort & a ton of energy right now. Energy that we find in short supply many of the times. One of the many blessings that has inspired our family to keep its strength & endurance is the memorial spot placed in our neighborhood by our dear neighbors & friends. The above pictures show how sweet this little spot looks but I want to tell you that it has a joy & peace surrounding it that only our God & our Anna could have provided. I have also attached a part of the letter of thanks we sent to our homeowners association. This section of the letter gives you an accurate glance at our understanding in God's plan:

"We chose this neighborhood 2 years ago during a very difficult time of relocating away from family & close friends in Virginia. Carlisle’s quaint vista & secure gated environment made it the home we were looking for. We now feel that for the last two years we have had our noses pressed to the glass of a beautiful picture and that by God’s guidance & direction have been pulled back to see the magnificence of His plan. Anna was His plan in relocating us to TN and sending us to China for a 2-½ year old with a congenital heart defect. For us to live in Carlisle was also His plan. He wanted us to witness His compassion & ever-sustaining love through people like you.

The day we planned Anna’s funeral was one of the hardest but also one of the most remarkable moments in our lives. Tony & I were like two small children that were hurt & afraid. We wanted to run to the comfort and security of home in VA and never look back. As adults we all still have moments when the idea of being "home" seems to fix everything. We were so tormented, but one of the many things we walked away with that afternoon were the wise words of our pastor Sam Boyd. He told us that we reminded him of wounded bears that just wanted away from the pain. He said that we were in the middle of a spiritual war and that each place we looked & went there would be painful, difficult & heart wrenching memories of our Anna. He informed us very accurately that one day the healing of time would overcome that battle ground and make it holy ground. Ground we would have a hard time separating from because those painful memories would eventually strengthen and sustain us. Yes, Pastor Sam was so right. Carlisle is our holy ground. We still see Anna toddling down the driveway, squealing with delight at the idea of riding in the stroller and most importantly we see our Anna in each of you who touched not only her life but also ours with your love.

Now all that love & joy is found in a quiet, beautiful spot on the far side of the pond. The sweet sound of trickling water is the music to this sanctuary of peace. We so enjoy seeing people sit on the bench & walk that part of the common area. I witnessed the sunset the night the bench area was completed. Anna in all her wonderful colors filled the expanse of the evening sky and shot streams of pink & orange to that very spot. We know without a doubt that was Anna’s way of saying "thank you" from heaven.

So as inept as the words "thank you" are, we are so grateful for each of you that have helped in keeping our Anna here in memory and spirit. Anna was pure joy for the short time she graced our lives and we pray that each of you will be blessed with the peace & joy of her spot every time you visit it. The knowledge of each of you experiencing peace & joy throughout your lives would make our Anna very happy."

This spot is such a joy to our family. When I sit on that bench I feel so close to heaven. I am merely one breath away from my Maker & baby girl. What a comfort that is. Our two months no matter how hard, have been one day after another walking side by side with our Lord. Some days you feel Him holding you upright, others He carries us. Never once have I not felt His amazing presence.....that presence started strongly for me 06-16-08, our Anna's Gotcha Day. What a joyful feeling in the middle of uncertainty. Thank you all for your part in His love for us in the last two months. We are filled with hope when we think that our chapter in God's Holy book still continues. God's Blessings & Love to each of you!

Jo

Food For Thought Friday

My dear friend Cindy really came up with the title for this entry. I have to write what my amazing Lord gifted my heart with this morning during my personal bible study. To give the appropriate credit this is a Charles Stanley study that I am doing for Sunday school. "Living the Extraordinary Life" is for me the perfect study for the crossroads I now find myself facing. God in His wisdom already knew that! I have to share with you the sections that moved mountains inside me this morning and has brought light to the question "WHY"? I pray as I type that not only will this continue to comfort & guide me, but that God will guide me with His wisdom to pass this awakening on appropriately to Tony & Grace. From my study:

"God always does what is best for us. If we really believe this, we will trust Him even in our most difficult trials. Satan, who works to undermine our trust, often takes advantage of adversity by calling the Father's motives into question. He whispers, "If the Lord really loved you, He would not have allowed this to happen"-he wants us to associate the sting of spiritual discipline with a lack of divine caring. However, the exact opposit is true. Hebrews 12:6 tells us, "Those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives." So, while natural thinking says peace and happiness are tokens of God's love, the Bible says difficulty and discipline are actually evidence of our membership in His family. The reason is clear: God cares for us so much that He will not allow us to stay as we are. Instead, He wants to transform us into the likeness of His Son.

However, while God completely understands every situation, He is under no obligation whatsoever to inform us of the rationale for His actions or decisions. Because He is infinitely wise, He simply cannot make a mistake! Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Although we must never look at someone else's situation and presume why God allowed a calamity, we should regard our tragedies and afflictions as reasons to inquire of the Lord, "What are You trying to say?" Ask Him what He wants to tell you, and then listen, not simply to hear but to OBEY. Because of His great love for you and His desire to give you a hope and a future, God is always reaching toward you. God answers even the most fervent prayers by denying our request when our desires are not in sync with His. God loves everybody equally, but He has different purposes for each life(2 Samuel 12:16-18)!

Thank you so much my wonderful, amazing & beautiful Creator. The healing of Your love sustains me like no other. Please continue to show me Your wisdom and help me never question that wisdom again, Amen.

Jo