Memory Monday

So Winston and I were out for his morning stroll. I love my hound. He is the sweetest, undemanding, loving creature God in His infinite wisdom ever created. After he had done his morning business of sniffing every tree, bush & bench and his morning constitutional we headed to the far side of the pond to "Anna's spot". I just love & adore that bench. Every time I see the words "For Our Anna" it makes my heart swell. Winston sat quietly at my feet on one of the warm stepping stones with his face turned toward the sky. His nose going a million miles a minute and his little eyes closed tight from the sunshine. He is such a patient hound & is always content to be with me. Thank you God for giving me that white fuzzy butt for the last 12 years & please if it is Your will let him remain with me for a good long time to come. I sat there with my canine companion & dearest friend and I took in the warm sunshine myself. What a beautiful spring day here in Tennessee. The kind of day that the gentle breeze carries & calls to mind so many sweet memories of my Anna.

Anna loved to have her hands kissed. Really, Anna loved everything on her to be kissed. Her hands though were her two signature kissing spots. If she was happy, sad, scared, apprehensive, giggling and just wanting your attention she would hold up each of those little bitty hands to your mouth and just grin for a kiss. There is a glimpse of this on her memorial video attached to the blog. It was after Grace her "Jie Jie"(big sister in Chinese)(she could not say Grace yet) kissed her for the first time. She came to me for an additional kiss in celebration. A celebration of love. 1st kiss as sisters. She was also celebrating the moment & wanted a kiss on those sweet, precious hands. That dear moment took place not even 2 weeks after we had brought her home. It was the first time they had seen each other. Sisters from the same far away country....one from the far north, Liaoning Province & one from the south, Guangdong Province. One so sick & one so healthy. It was a priceless moment. Magical in every way I had imagined it during our 3 year wait. Anna was still fighting off the "croup" that she had agonized with for a good week. Amazing! Three nights before we had been all alone at Vandy in the ER, just Anna & me. Tony had headed to VA to pick up Grace from my parents and Anna had had a strider(sp?) & could not breath.....she had the croup so bad. We flew down Hillsboro road with the Almighty as my co-pilot. I remember the ER doctor looking at me saying, "Do you know she has a horrible sounding heart?" Even in the state of panic I was in I continued to have a naive sense of peace. Now I realize it was the Holy Spirit blessing me with the Peace of God. I told them yes and that she did have acute aortic & pulmonary stenosis-untreated. I explained we were to see the cardiologist in the next week but Anna had gotten sick the day after we arrived home from China. Her pediatrician had seen her and she was on antibiotics for a double ear infection & the croup. They took her blood pressure & it was fine, took her O2 sats and they were fine, they took Xrays and saw no problem.....Amazing! To think that a little over two months later she would leave us. We were given perfection. God given perfection. We were so blessed with such beautiful un-interrupted time. Just time-not a lot but time that forever in my mind will seem like a lifetime full. So full of concern, so full of worry, so full of confusion, so full of anxiety over her Williams Syndrome diagnosis but at the same time good, bonded, uninterrupted, life changing, love filled time.

Right around our 8-9 week mark with Anna, I started playing this little game at bedtime with the girls. Anna & Grace would get in the bed together for a story or two then Winnie the Pooh(her little stuffed bear-who we placed with her forever) would sneak up through the covers and sniff her toes, he would then precede to fall over dead. Yes, dead. This was a goofy, somewhat gross game in thought but it would bring out the most beautiful belly laughs from both girls. After about 10 minutes this game would get a "little old" to me but Anna in her Donald Duck(on crack), 2 pack a day smokers voice would say "More Pooh, Please Momma". Her little fingers would sign "more" & "please". She then would copy the little back & forth hand movement I would have made with Pooh and say "do-ti-do-ti-do" just like I had. This was the child who "supposedly" would always be delayed. Who would never learn at her level and always struggle. Perfection to us but not to the "world". Oh, how we showed every therapist....speech, cognitive & learning specialist in our 10 weeks together. Anna was not as they said "textbook" or an "usual case". Oh, what an understatement. Perfection....God made & God given(to us-how humbling) perfection. Oh, such sweet memories for a Monday. A Monday 26 weeks to the day her heart stopped.

As I looked up into the blue, cloud scattered sky this morning listening to the birds chirp their happy songs I could feel my heart beating. My heart will continue to beat everyday God sees fit & with every beat I will carry my memories of a lifetime with Anna. How blessed am I? Thank you Lord for giving me sight today through the pain.
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:12
In His Hands Always,
Jo