Birthday Blessings Part 3

Driving back to the house from dropping off Heather I always pass this gorgeous horse farm. It sits in the curve of a back road here in Franklin. I will never forget how the sky looked over the horizon of that farm. The gray heavy clouds were starting to break apart shooting rays of hidden sun through them.....then the Almighty answered my first prayer of the morning......(to give me another focus other than my pain).
I had not thought of her since June 16, 2008, the day they put Anna in my arms. My mind went to a woman a half a world away who was remembering Dec. 4th because it was burned into her memory. The day she gave birth to a sweet baby girl. The baby girl that a month later she would leave on the cardiac floor of the local children's hospital in the dark of night so that she would not be arrested. A woman who left that sweet baby girl because her lips were blue and she knew she could not provide her with what she needed. A woman not like me who was probably a half a world away grieving her baby girl without knowing if she survived or where she might be. Then the real blessing of the day grabbed my heart. It rang loud and clear. I am Anna's mother for forever and I know the truth! I know that she is sitting on the lap of Jesus today, her heart beating fully without struggle. I know they are both smiling because they are both pleased with her birthday project. I know the promise, that one day I will see my sweet baby girl again & will hold her tight cheek to cheek and dance and never tire. That is my focus, that is my blessing and that no matter how the pain throbs I just need to remember the Promise. What a truth to make you smile.....just as I am smiling typing this tonight.

So once I arrived home I closed my eyes and asked my Maker to please by some miracle give that woman a world away peace like me today. I prayed for her to know Him and if she did not for someone to enter her life that would introduce the truth to her. For her to accept Him as hers so that one day she too can see our Anna again and share eternity.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this very long post-part 1(I promise there were a ton of other things I have omited) I wanted to find a way to help Grace with her confusion with Anna going to heaven before blowing out birthday candles. I prayed over this for a good month & sound boarded so many of my support network here in TN. Finally I shut up long enough to hear God tell me how to do it. Not only this year but every year.

You see I am completely at peace with the perfect plan God had for our Anna. To be at peace with it does not mean that I will not miss her every moment of every day until I draw my last breath. It means I do not plan on spending every year from this year on thinking "Anna would be 4 this year, Anna would be 5 this year and so on." No, for me my Anna was to be 2 years, 8 months & 23 days old. That was God's plan & I played a role in that plan but I will never wonder "what if". This is how I am personally comforted with this horrible event & dealing with the question "Why?" The horrible question that we will never know the answer to this side of heaven. I know others who live differently and God bless each of us and how we find comfort. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. We grieve not by choice but the best way we can.

So my answer was for Grace & I to light white luminaries around Anna's memorial here in our neighborhood. It was for us to pray, read His word and for Grace to release three balloons(one white, two silver) into the nights sky. As we released them we said a special prayer.....the 1st was to thank God & praise Him for allowing us to love Anna and for her to hear us that night especially when we sent our love & sang Happy Birthday. 2nd was for God to continue to guide, protect & love the children in need of this world, especially all the children w/out momma's & poppa's. 3rd was to thank God for loving our family so attentively and to continue to help us with our grief. To make His plan known to us as a family and the role He wants us to play in helping the orphans of this world.

For it to have been a rainy, dreary day around dusk the sky finally cleared, the stars came out and the air turned crisp. For Grace, Tony, a few close friends & myself it was the perfect way to celebrate the end of a beautiful birthday filled with endless blessings. As we walked back to our house and turned to see the luminaries glowing across the pond Grace was content. She told me that it was prettier than just candles on a cake....she knew Anna had seen them. My prayer for her to be at peace with Anna's birthday was just answered. Praise God from who ALL BLESSINGS FLOW & my how they GLOW!

Jo