Friday, May 8, 2009

Time

Time cannot break the bird's wing from the bird.
Bird and wing together go down, one feather.
No thing that ever flew; not the lark, not you,
Can die as others do.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

I read the above poem a week or so ago. I guess the way it describes time & what I believe is my Saviors death drew me to it. Time. Tony & I were discussing time just yesterday. Time is mind boggling. The last months have been so hard but so precious. Time is what God uses to allow us to heal. To have a broken heart is a wound that never completely heals. In time, God shows us that we can focus on living again & live around the wound. We do that because we love Him & we want to glorify Him. We do that because we know Anna is whole. Because we know one day the time we spent here on earth will seem so minuet. That eternity with Jesus and Anna is not only a promise but a fact. Eternity. Our human minds & hearts can not even grasp the meaning or expanse of ETERNITY. Oh, how I look forward to eternity in heaven. I say this humbly not in any way with pride or ownership. I know the living sacrifice & resurrection of Christ is the only reason I will someday see heaven. Nothing I did, do or will ever do will give me that gift. Only my Jesus. For a sinner like me....oh, how sweet my Jesus is!
Time has shown us we can heal. We can hope again with that healing. For Tony I believe I saw the spark of hope return in his eyes the day he ran the Music Marathon. He ran the whole marathon & completed the 26.2 miles under 5 hours. This is not too shabby for a first time runner at the age of 44. That's my man! Grace & I were and are so proud of the bald guy. He now has the fever and hopes to run the Chicago marathon next. No, he decided to do that next year not this year. One year at a time.
I saw the hope return to my Grace the night Tony & I sat her down to tell her we were going to start the adoption process once more in September. From my previous post you know how God showed us this. I feel the day we realized that we were "survivors" and could fight the good fight once more it gave the sparkle of hope to each of us. So since then my Grace has not had any more nightmares or bad dreams. Amazing! Just the promise of having a sibling again....the realization of the original promise not dying with our Anna gave her hope. Oh, thank you God!
For me.....well, I have held on to my hope with both fists clenched tight. I have held on to the robe of my Savior for dear life. My life. So many times I have and know I will continue to feel the swell of darkness closing in on me. He is my life line. My Tony & my Grace are my floatation devices. I have HOPE! He heard my prayers. He heard me even on the days I could only pray, "God Help Me!". He hears me & He answers me. One answer has come in the form of a part time job. I will be a specimen accessioner for Labcorp of America soon. 20 hours a week- four days a week for five hours. I know this is not a "fix". This is hope that will soon return the sparkle in my eye. A way for me to start to find me again. I praise God for providing to me what is so hard for others to find now-a-days---a job. This is a gift I will not take lightly. Here in TN unemployment is at an all time high. This is hitting everyone around us. How blessed Tony & I are. We thank God everyday for our blessed life.
So thank each of you for saying, "it is going to take time". You are so right. Time is what heals. Time is what brings learning, wisdom & growth. Time is what brings HOPE again. God's gift of time. How fortunate we are to have that as a blessing. God Bless You & Keep You!
In His Hands,
Jo


1 comment:

MomOfOneMore said...

Way to Go Tony!!!
Someday I might do a run like that...someday...maybe!
Angie

PS) I've been saying that for 2 years.