Friday, August 21, 2009

The Ascent

I feel like I am climbing Everest. This is not the climb of the "faint of heart". This is the climb of a life time. The type of climb that can kill you if you are not patient & mindful. The part of the climb where you only want God as your lead. You no longer even trust the Sherpa who knows the mountain like the creases of his hand. It is only Jesus Christ who can guide you through this to the pinnacle. August 25, 2008 to August 28, 2009 this has been my Everest. Grieving and working through the loss of Anna.

So today I stand once again in a small cleft in a rock within this massive mountain and I try to find my lungs. They are so collapsed from the heaviness & pressure of my heart trying to maintain blood flow that I do believe I am dizzy. So I stop and rest. I look back and see the amount of ground I have covered since the beach and it is so small. I realize while looking back that even though it has been a small advancement the terrain has been treacherous. Caution & reflection have been the reason for my very slow ascent....one step at time with the stress of each footstep leaving me completely out of breath. When you are so short of breath it just exhausts you. So I cling to this rock. Jesus is my rock, my cornerstone which I am resting upon. I seem to be crying out to Him a lot in the last few days. Crying because of the pain. Asking for His help and trying so hard to praise Him through every tear. I praise Him because through Him I am going to make it to the summit. He takes the weak, uses them and makes them strong. From the marrow of my bones He will take me and rebuild me. For my faith alone He rewards me with blessing after blessing and the peace of His continuous presence. Blessings in the form of answered prayers. Prayers that I did not even verbalize but felt with every ounce of my being. Like the prayer of wanting a new job. Yes, He has given me the opportunity of another job I know He arranged from heaven. Since coming home from the beach the beginning of August I have been given the privilege of interviewing & being offered the position of assistant teacher at Mustard Seed Preschool. I resigned my position at Labcorp and will complete my 2 weeks of notice tomorrow morning. My last Saturday to work--for what I pray will be forever. I miss my family time way too much when I have to work on Saturdays. It is our only day in a very hectic week to just embrace one another. I never really knew that till it was taken away from me. So starting next week I will be the assistant teacher for one of the W-Th-F 4 year old classes. Mustard Seed is the preschool Grace attended from the time we moved here in
06' till kindergarten last year. It is the sweetest and most God present school I have ever been to. I am so thrilled & feel completely overwhelmed in how God once again this year showed me in "the little details" that this was His plan. He makes no mistakes! He is always right & His timing is always perfect! These unshakable truths are the guide light that will help me continue to navigate the small but extremely steep remainder of my climb.

The pinnacle. It is within eyesight and is not that far ahead but oh, to conquer it will cause such wear on my body. I pray for strength, courage and stamina. Please join me in praying for that over our family. We can do this, we have come so far but we need our Father to hear the prayers of many. We need His and your help. This is hard. The hardest thing we have ever experienced. Even though there are people all around us in their own race to the top of their own Everest we feel so isolated. The top is a lonely place. Pray for His continued presence & our continuous praise no matter the pain we experience. Glory to God in the Highest! We thank you all & love you so!

In His Hands,
Jo

2 comments:

A Journey of Hope said...

Sweet Friend!
I hear you! You have been in my thought so much and my prayers! I will be lifting you up in prayer this very hard week of rememberence of little Anna! Jo you have rested, walked, run, slept, trusted, loved and graced this very hard journey up hill! Love ya girl and I am praying that His hands are felt tight around your family! That your breaths would inhale His presence!
Your friend,
Heather

Tisra said...

You are not forgotten; I hold you in my prayers to the Father.

Tisra